All the days seem to be rolling into one. I have actually started marking them down, as I see the sun rise I mark another day, just to remind me that time is passing. That I am growing older. That the time for me to complete this challenge is growing ever shorter.
Sometimes I question why I am doing this. What could I possibly achieve in this challenge? This will take me most of my lifetime, if not all of it. And for what? I will never have time to have children of my own, the time for children will be well passed by the time I step out from behind this picket fence: a mansion baron.
The hardest part is the bit I thought would be easy. It's the loneliness. I cannot believe how lonely I get. Or how quickly it comes upon me. I have tried to find friends and solace on the Internet but it just isn't enough and there are so many weirdos out their. As soon as I strike up conversation it's all "send us a photo" or "can we meet?" Then there are the ones that I do talk to for a while, they seem normal, but when I bring up what it is I am trying to do they back off pretty fast. I become the weirdo.
I have taken up gardening, just so I can have something else living in this house.
Something to talk to.
Something to touch.
I got the seeds in the mail. It was easy enough to order them online. I didn't even see the postman. He doesn't come up to the house, just throws the mail into the box from the street. I guess word has got out about the crazy woman in the fenced in house.
|THEY GET WORSE RATHER THAN BETTER|
I continue to work on my painting skill. I think it is my only chance of getting enough money to complete my goal. It takes up a lot of my time and right now that is what I need. Distractions. Distractions from the ticking of the clock. Distractions from the trill of crickets from the field I cannot go to. Distractions from my own mind.
I know I can leave at any time, this imprisonment is only being enforced by my own will but I can't. I won't give up. This is what I have chosen to do. This is my life path. I will follow it to whatever end appears on my horizon.
|KNOCK KNOCK......BOO......WHY ARE YOU SAD, I'M THE ONE TALKING TO A PLANT!|